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What Your Favorite Type of Beer Says About You to a Date

What Your Favorite Type of Beer Says About You to a Date

Stout

As you know, beer is dependent on the season and weather. And since stouts are meant to be had on days that are typically not 100 degrees in the shade, order one on a winter date. (Perhaps you’re sporting a sweater?) So what I’m trying to say is, if you order a Stout on the Fourth of July, you might look like you don’t know what the f*ck you’re talking about. But the true Stout drinker is refined, yet adventurous. He isn’t as pretentious as an IPA drinker, but he still knows quality when it touches his lips.

Pilsner

This is a safe choice. Pilsners are rooted in tradition and mostly have the same flavors dated back to how they were created in the Czech Republic. This shows your date that you are classier than drinking total crap, but aren’t really a risk taker either. There are some great pilsners out there (just like there are great dates), but you will probably have trouble distinguishing quality. Pilsners are often great session beers, meaning you can have more than one in a sitting. So if your date orders a pilsner, you might ready yourself for a marathon drinking date. (Just don’t get too drunk, I don’t have to tell you what that says about you to a date.) Though it’s safe, don’t be mistaken. It’s still damn good beer.

Pale Ale

Pale ale drinkers enjoy complexity without getting overzealous. They want some spice in their life but don’t want to be blown away by some of the hopped up IPAs. Ordering one will show your date you are down for adventure. No one can talk sh*t about someone drinking a pale ale. It’s middle of the road that can always surprise you. And spontaneity is what make relationships fun.

Wheat Beer

Wheat beer drinkers want to be seen as a beer drinker without trying. If you are a wheat beer drinker, you want people to think you appreciate beer but don’t want to actually drink beer. Don’t get me wrong! There are some great wheat beers out there, but I think of wheat beer like a wine drinker who prefers pinot grigio. You want it sweet. And that’s fine. But please — expand your horizons beyond Blue Moon. You’ll look like a tool to your date if he/she is a true beer drinker.

Lager

Lagers can be delicious, but if you order a lager in the USA you are most likely getting something from Budweiser or MillerCoors. A traditional lager is delicious, but rice-brewed lagers (like anything you see commercials during an NFL game) are not going to impress your date. And let’s face it: you are probably the type that drinks to get drunk, not to enjoy beer for the art that it is. You will look cheap and say you prefer quantity over quality. That is something you most likely don’t want your date to think. There is an old joke that says, "Light beer is like having a sex in a canoe. It’s f*cking close to water." You’re better than that. Your date deserves better, too.

IPA
People who drink IPA are "beer drinkers." They are the type who thinks they know more than everyone else. So, you probably think you have a sophisticated palate. (Whether it’s true or not.) Appearances are important to you, though, and you don’t want to be seen as a loser to your date. You’ve been on a brewery tour to Heartland Brewery, and mention it often. You call yourself a "hop head" despite having no idea what hops are. Ordering an IPA is fine, but do so because you like it, not because you are trying to impress your date.

Remember: Drink what makes you happy. But don’t be surprised if your date judges you for it just a tiny bit.

Kevin Frasure, How About We

More from How About We:


What The Kind Of Booze You Drink Can Predict About Your Love Life

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, I struck up a conversation with a bartender. After a few minutes, he revealed that after 16 years serving cocktails to women, he has a special, innate ability to determine a woman's personality simply by the drink they love to order.

Even if you aren't a drinker (or you don't agree with his assessment of your favorite drink) you'll at least get a laugh or two. Come on, you know you're curious. Here's what your drink says about you:

1. Malibu and Diet, Amaretto Sour

AKA any light alcohol drink (<20 percent alcohol). This girl wants to enjoy herself but wake up and know precisely where her panties are.

2. Rum and Coke

These are fun party girls. They usually like to dance and hug and laugh. They let loose way more than Malibu and Diet girls.

3. Vodka and. anything

These women like to get f*cked up. The women who order vodka water with a lemon or lime slice still like to get wasted but they're sensible about their caloric intake.

4. Whiskey/Scotch

Straight up. No mixer. Whiskey neat is different than vodka on the rocks. If a woman orders that, she wants to get straight wasted. However, if she orders a single malt scotch from the UK, she quite possibly knows more about alcohol than any guy she'll ever talk to. "Neat" is for those who want to savor the flavor. "On the rocks" is more "numb my tastebuds so I don't realize what I'm actually doing to my body."

5. Jack and Coke

This woman sounds nice and cute when asking for a "Jack and Coke, please!" But in her 50s, after all the whiskey and cigarettes get to her, she'll start to sound like a gravel-voiced trucker with strep: "JAAACK and COOOOKE, please." (You know the voice.)

6. Girly shots

(Think Slippery Nipple, Red-Headed Slut, etc.) Tease-alert! She likes to say dirty things, but she is ALL TALK.

7. Sex on the Beach, Alabama Slammer

Any popular-named drink means a woman wants to get buzzed but in a fun way. Most women will start the night out with one of these and then revert back to their normal drink of choice. Rarely do I make 6-8 of these for the same woman. (But if I do, she's definitely spending the night at Chateau Le Bartender.)

8. Long Island Iced Tea

Same as above but far more likely to end up at Chateau Le Bartender.

9. Absolut Mandarin with half-pineapple, half-orange juice, a splash of cranberry, a drop of grenadine with an orange, and cherry garnish

This is a real drink that a woman ordered. I got so sick of making it, I asked if any guy she had ever dated told her she was high-maintenance. Her friends all laughed their asses off as they rightly should have. If looks could kill, man. She never returned to my bar.

10. Grey Goose Cranberry

If you're a guy and order this, you're a pretentious douchebag. If you're a woman, you're a gold-digger. We're talking about VODKA, people it doesn't taste much different whether its $100 or $6 a bottle. Any subtle difference would only be noticeable in a dry martini or on the rocks and since you just completely obliterated your overpriced drink by having me pour sugary juice into it, you'll never know. (I once knew a chick that requested a Bloody Mary with Grey Goose. I mean for hell's sake.)

11. White Zinfandel

She doesn't really like beer, liquor, or wine but she wants to drink something inoffensive. (On the upside, almost every bar will have it.) Side note: Please do not stop into a bar in small-town Wisconsin and ask for a Burgundy or Chablis. Do not ask for a wine menu. We don't have one!

12. Pinot Noir

Oh, great, you saw the movie Sideways. Have a cookie.

13. Chardonnay

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Captain and coke girls.

14. Pinot Grigio

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Chardonnay girls.

She likes red wines with a little complexity. Nothing out of the ordinary.

16. Cabernet Sauvignon

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These girls either have well-developed taste apparatuses or really screwed up ones. I haven't figured it out yet.

A note on women who drink wine, in general: These women like to get buzzed but in a classy way. I rarely serve eight glasses of wine to the same woman — four is usually the max. But all that goes out the window if your girl regularly drinks boxed wine, because that is a woman who gets down. You may not want a ton of children with her, but for a good time, she's the one to call.

17. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light

These are cool chicks, guy's girls, women you can be friends with without too many awkward complications. Marry one if you can.

18. Guinness

Oh, you like spending $7 on a beer that tastes sh*tty? Although this girl seems cool at first glance, she's actually kind of pretentious. It physically pains me to say this, especially since I'm Irish, but Guinness sucks. It has great marketing! But it's not a flavor you want near your mouth when you're trying to have fun.

19. Spotted Cow (made in New Glarus, Wisconsin) and/or any local craft beer

Some girls from out of town may ask for “the one with the cow on it” and that means the woman is willing to try new things and is open to new experiences. All good in my book.

A seemingly great choice. However, after further inspection, this is not the lady you want to bring home to your mother. This "beer drinker" is really a whiskey or vodka drinker trying to pass off as a run-of-the-mill beer drinker. This girl likes to Tango de la Muerte, which I think means "Dance With The Dead." Either way, she likes to get messed up and quick.

21. Busch Light

This girl has a boyfriend who hunts.

22. Michelob Ultra

She counts her calories and is the least fun person to take anywhere.

Oh, and a general bartender note: Don't ask me to make you something, then shoot down my first three suggestions. I don't go to the Waffle House or wherever you work and ask you to make me something good, but then reject it.

Finally, FINALLY: If you ask a girl what she wants and she says, "I don't care, let's just split a pitcher of whatever is cheap," you need to start planning exactly how you are going to propose.

Watch the video below to see what would happen if bartenders were actually honest with their patrons:


What The Kind Of Booze You Drink Can Predict About Your Love Life

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, I struck up a conversation with a bartender. After a few minutes, he revealed that after 16 years serving cocktails to women, he has a special, innate ability to determine a woman's personality simply by the drink they love to order.

Even if you aren't a drinker (or you don't agree with his assessment of your favorite drink) you'll at least get a laugh or two. Come on, you know you're curious. Here's what your drink says about you:

1. Malibu and Diet, Amaretto Sour

AKA any light alcohol drink (<20 percent alcohol). This girl wants to enjoy herself but wake up and know precisely where her panties are.

2. Rum and Coke

These are fun party girls. They usually like to dance and hug and laugh. They let loose way more than Malibu and Diet girls.

3. Vodka and. anything

These women like to get f*cked up. The women who order vodka water with a lemon or lime slice still like to get wasted but they're sensible about their caloric intake.

4. Whiskey/Scotch

Straight up. No mixer. Whiskey neat is different than vodka on the rocks. If a woman orders that, she wants to get straight wasted. However, if she orders a single malt scotch from the UK, she quite possibly knows more about alcohol than any guy she'll ever talk to. "Neat" is for those who want to savor the flavor. "On the rocks" is more "numb my tastebuds so I don't realize what I'm actually doing to my body."

5. Jack and Coke

This woman sounds nice and cute when asking for a "Jack and Coke, please!" But in her 50s, after all the whiskey and cigarettes get to her, she'll start to sound like a gravel-voiced trucker with strep: "JAAACK and COOOOKE, please." (You know the voice.)

6. Girly shots

(Think Slippery Nipple, Red-Headed Slut, etc.) Tease-alert! She likes to say dirty things, but she is ALL TALK.

7. Sex on the Beach, Alabama Slammer

Any popular-named drink means a woman wants to get buzzed but in a fun way. Most women will start the night out with one of these and then revert back to their normal drink of choice. Rarely do I make 6-8 of these for the same woman. (But if I do, she's definitely spending the night at Chateau Le Bartender.)

8. Long Island Iced Tea

Same as above but far more likely to end up at Chateau Le Bartender.

9. Absolut Mandarin with half-pineapple, half-orange juice, a splash of cranberry, a drop of grenadine with an orange, and cherry garnish

This is a real drink that a woman ordered. I got so sick of making it, I asked if any guy she had ever dated told her she was high-maintenance. Her friends all laughed their asses off as they rightly should have. If looks could kill, man. She never returned to my bar.

10. Grey Goose Cranberry

If you're a guy and order this, you're a pretentious douchebag. If you're a woman, you're a gold-digger. We're talking about VODKA, people it doesn't taste much different whether its $100 or $6 a bottle. Any subtle difference would only be noticeable in a dry martini or on the rocks and since you just completely obliterated your overpriced drink by having me pour sugary juice into it, you'll never know. (I once knew a chick that requested a Bloody Mary with Grey Goose. I mean for hell's sake.)

11. White Zinfandel

She doesn't really like beer, liquor, or wine but she wants to drink something inoffensive. (On the upside, almost every bar will have it.) Side note: Please do not stop into a bar in small-town Wisconsin and ask for a Burgundy or Chablis. Do not ask for a wine menu. We don't have one!

12. Pinot Noir

Oh, great, you saw the movie Sideways. Have a cookie.

13. Chardonnay

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Captain and coke girls.

14. Pinot Grigio

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Chardonnay girls.

She likes red wines with a little complexity. Nothing out of the ordinary.

16. Cabernet Sauvignon

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These girls either have well-developed taste apparatuses or really screwed up ones. I haven't figured it out yet.

A note on women who drink wine, in general: These women like to get buzzed but in a classy way. I rarely serve eight glasses of wine to the same woman — four is usually the max. But all that goes out the window if your girl regularly drinks boxed wine, because that is a woman who gets down. You may not want a ton of children with her, but for a good time, she's the one to call.

17. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light

These are cool chicks, guy's girls, women you can be friends with without too many awkward complications. Marry one if you can.

18. Guinness

Oh, you like spending $7 on a beer that tastes sh*tty? Although this girl seems cool at first glance, she's actually kind of pretentious. It physically pains me to say this, especially since I'm Irish, but Guinness sucks. It has great marketing! But it's not a flavor you want near your mouth when you're trying to have fun.

19. Spotted Cow (made in New Glarus, Wisconsin) and/or any local craft beer

Some girls from out of town may ask for “the one with the cow on it” and that means the woman is willing to try new things and is open to new experiences. All good in my book.

A seemingly great choice. However, after further inspection, this is not the lady you want to bring home to your mother. This "beer drinker" is really a whiskey or vodka drinker trying to pass off as a run-of-the-mill beer drinker. This girl likes to Tango de la Muerte, which I think means "Dance With The Dead." Either way, she likes to get messed up and quick.

21. Busch Light

This girl has a boyfriend who hunts.

22. Michelob Ultra

She counts her calories and is the least fun person to take anywhere.

Oh, and a general bartender note: Don't ask me to make you something, then shoot down my first three suggestions. I don't go to the Waffle House or wherever you work and ask you to make me something good, but then reject it.

Finally, FINALLY: If you ask a girl what she wants and she says, "I don't care, let's just split a pitcher of whatever is cheap," you need to start planning exactly how you are going to propose.

Watch the video below to see what would happen if bartenders were actually honest with their patrons:


What The Kind Of Booze You Drink Can Predict About Your Love Life

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, I struck up a conversation with a bartender. After a few minutes, he revealed that after 16 years serving cocktails to women, he has a special, innate ability to determine a woman's personality simply by the drink they love to order.

Even if you aren't a drinker (or you don't agree with his assessment of your favorite drink) you'll at least get a laugh or two. Come on, you know you're curious. Here's what your drink says about you:

1. Malibu and Diet, Amaretto Sour

AKA any light alcohol drink (<20 percent alcohol). This girl wants to enjoy herself but wake up and know precisely where her panties are.

2. Rum and Coke

These are fun party girls. They usually like to dance and hug and laugh. They let loose way more than Malibu and Diet girls.

3. Vodka and. anything

These women like to get f*cked up. The women who order vodka water with a lemon or lime slice still like to get wasted but they're sensible about their caloric intake.

4. Whiskey/Scotch

Straight up. No mixer. Whiskey neat is different than vodka on the rocks. If a woman orders that, she wants to get straight wasted. However, if she orders a single malt scotch from the UK, she quite possibly knows more about alcohol than any guy she'll ever talk to. "Neat" is for those who want to savor the flavor. "On the rocks" is more "numb my tastebuds so I don't realize what I'm actually doing to my body."

5. Jack and Coke

This woman sounds nice and cute when asking for a "Jack and Coke, please!" But in her 50s, after all the whiskey and cigarettes get to her, she'll start to sound like a gravel-voiced trucker with strep: "JAAACK and COOOOKE, please." (You know the voice.)

6. Girly shots

(Think Slippery Nipple, Red-Headed Slut, etc.) Tease-alert! She likes to say dirty things, but she is ALL TALK.

7. Sex on the Beach, Alabama Slammer

Any popular-named drink means a woman wants to get buzzed but in a fun way. Most women will start the night out with one of these and then revert back to their normal drink of choice. Rarely do I make 6-8 of these for the same woman. (But if I do, she's definitely spending the night at Chateau Le Bartender.)

8. Long Island Iced Tea

Same as above but far more likely to end up at Chateau Le Bartender.

9. Absolut Mandarin with half-pineapple, half-orange juice, a splash of cranberry, a drop of grenadine with an orange, and cherry garnish

This is a real drink that a woman ordered. I got so sick of making it, I asked if any guy she had ever dated told her she was high-maintenance. Her friends all laughed their asses off as they rightly should have. If looks could kill, man. She never returned to my bar.

10. Grey Goose Cranberry

If you're a guy and order this, you're a pretentious douchebag. If you're a woman, you're a gold-digger. We're talking about VODKA, people it doesn't taste much different whether its $100 or $6 a bottle. Any subtle difference would only be noticeable in a dry martini or on the rocks and since you just completely obliterated your overpriced drink by having me pour sugary juice into it, you'll never know. (I once knew a chick that requested a Bloody Mary with Grey Goose. I mean for hell's sake.)

11. White Zinfandel

She doesn't really like beer, liquor, or wine but she wants to drink something inoffensive. (On the upside, almost every bar will have it.) Side note: Please do not stop into a bar in small-town Wisconsin and ask for a Burgundy or Chablis. Do not ask for a wine menu. We don't have one!

12. Pinot Noir

Oh, great, you saw the movie Sideways. Have a cookie.

13. Chardonnay

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Captain and coke girls.

14. Pinot Grigio

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Chardonnay girls.

She likes red wines with a little complexity. Nothing out of the ordinary.

16. Cabernet Sauvignon

Subscribe to our newsletter.

These girls either have well-developed taste apparatuses or really screwed up ones. I haven't figured it out yet.

A note on women who drink wine, in general: These women like to get buzzed but in a classy way. I rarely serve eight glasses of wine to the same woman — four is usually the max. But all that goes out the window if your girl regularly drinks boxed wine, because that is a woman who gets down. You may not want a ton of children with her, but for a good time, she's the one to call.

17. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light

These are cool chicks, guy's girls, women you can be friends with without too many awkward complications. Marry one if you can.

18. Guinness

Oh, you like spending $7 on a beer that tastes sh*tty? Although this girl seems cool at first glance, she's actually kind of pretentious. It physically pains me to say this, especially since I'm Irish, but Guinness sucks. It has great marketing! But it's not a flavor you want near your mouth when you're trying to have fun.

19. Spotted Cow (made in New Glarus, Wisconsin) and/or any local craft beer

Some girls from out of town may ask for “the one with the cow on it” and that means the woman is willing to try new things and is open to new experiences. All good in my book.

A seemingly great choice. However, after further inspection, this is not the lady you want to bring home to your mother. This "beer drinker" is really a whiskey or vodka drinker trying to pass off as a run-of-the-mill beer drinker. This girl likes to Tango de la Muerte, which I think means "Dance With The Dead." Either way, she likes to get messed up and quick.

21. Busch Light

This girl has a boyfriend who hunts.

22. Michelob Ultra

She counts her calories and is the least fun person to take anywhere.

Oh, and a general bartender note: Don't ask me to make you something, then shoot down my first three suggestions. I don't go to the Waffle House or wherever you work and ask you to make me something good, but then reject it.

Finally, FINALLY: If you ask a girl what she wants and she says, "I don't care, let's just split a pitcher of whatever is cheap," you need to start planning exactly how you are going to propose.

Watch the video below to see what would happen if bartenders were actually honest with their patrons:


What The Kind Of Booze You Drink Can Predict About Your Love Life

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, I struck up a conversation with a bartender. After a few minutes, he revealed that after 16 years serving cocktails to women, he has a special, innate ability to determine a woman's personality simply by the drink they love to order.

Even if you aren't a drinker (or you don't agree with his assessment of your favorite drink) you'll at least get a laugh or two. Come on, you know you're curious. Here's what your drink says about you:

1. Malibu and Diet, Amaretto Sour

AKA any light alcohol drink (<20 percent alcohol). This girl wants to enjoy herself but wake up and know precisely where her panties are.

2. Rum and Coke

These are fun party girls. They usually like to dance and hug and laugh. They let loose way more than Malibu and Diet girls.

3. Vodka and. anything

These women like to get f*cked up. The women who order vodka water with a lemon or lime slice still like to get wasted but they're sensible about their caloric intake.

4. Whiskey/Scotch

Straight up. No mixer. Whiskey neat is different than vodka on the rocks. If a woman orders that, she wants to get straight wasted. However, if she orders a single malt scotch from the UK, she quite possibly knows more about alcohol than any guy she'll ever talk to. "Neat" is for those who want to savor the flavor. "On the rocks" is more "numb my tastebuds so I don't realize what I'm actually doing to my body."

5. Jack and Coke

This woman sounds nice and cute when asking for a "Jack and Coke, please!" But in her 50s, after all the whiskey and cigarettes get to her, she'll start to sound like a gravel-voiced trucker with strep: "JAAACK and COOOOKE, please." (You know the voice.)

6. Girly shots

(Think Slippery Nipple, Red-Headed Slut, etc.) Tease-alert! She likes to say dirty things, but she is ALL TALK.

7. Sex on the Beach, Alabama Slammer

Any popular-named drink means a woman wants to get buzzed but in a fun way. Most women will start the night out with one of these and then revert back to their normal drink of choice. Rarely do I make 6-8 of these for the same woman. (But if I do, she's definitely spending the night at Chateau Le Bartender.)

8. Long Island Iced Tea

Same as above but far more likely to end up at Chateau Le Bartender.

9. Absolut Mandarin with half-pineapple, half-orange juice, a splash of cranberry, a drop of grenadine with an orange, and cherry garnish

This is a real drink that a woman ordered. I got so sick of making it, I asked if any guy she had ever dated told her she was high-maintenance. Her friends all laughed their asses off as they rightly should have. If looks could kill, man. She never returned to my bar.

10. Grey Goose Cranberry

If you're a guy and order this, you're a pretentious douchebag. If you're a woman, you're a gold-digger. We're talking about VODKA, people it doesn't taste much different whether its $100 or $6 a bottle. Any subtle difference would only be noticeable in a dry martini or on the rocks and since you just completely obliterated your overpriced drink by having me pour sugary juice into it, you'll never know. (I once knew a chick that requested a Bloody Mary with Grey Goose. I mean for hell's sake.)

11. White Zinfandel

She doesn't really like beer, liquor, or wine but she wants to drink something inoffensive. (On the upside, almost every bar will have it.) Side note: Please do not stop into a bar in small-town Wisconsin and ask for a Burgundy or Chablis. Do not ask for a wine menu. We don't have one!

12. Pinot Noir

Oh, great, you saw the movie Sideways. Have a cookie.

13. Chardonnay

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Captain and coke girls.

14. Pinot Grigio

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Chardonnay girls.

She likes red wines with a little complexity. Nothing out of the ordinary.

16. Cabernet Sauvignon

Subscribe to our newsletter.

These girls either have well-developed taste apparatuses or really screwed up ones. I haven't figured it out yet.

A note on women who drink wine, in general: These women like to get buzzed but in a classy way. I rarely serve eight glasses of wine to the same woman — four is usually the max. But all that goes out the window if your girl regularly drinks boxed wine, because that is a woman who gets down. You may not want a ton of children with her, but for a good time, she's the one to call.

17. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light

These are cool chicks, guy's girls, women you can be friends with without too many awkward complications. Marry one if you can.

18. Guinness

Oh, you like spending $7 on a beer that tastes sh*tty? Although this girl seems cool at first glance, she's actually kind of pretentious. It physically pains me to say this, especially since I'm Irish, but Guinness sucks. It has great marketing! But it's not a flavor you want near your mouth when you're trying to have fun.

19. Spotted Cow (made in New Glarus, Wisconsin) and/or any local craft beer

Some girls from out of town may ask for “the one with the cow on it” and that means the woman is willing to try new things and is open to new experiences. All good in my book.

A seemingly great choice. However, after further inspection, this is not the lady you want to bring home to your mother. This "beer drinker" is really a whiskey or vodka drinker trying to pass off as a run-of-the-mill beer drinker. This girl likes to Tango de la Muerte, which I think means "Dance With The Dead." Either way, she likes to get messed up and quick.

21. Busch Light

This girl has a boyfriend who hunts.

22. Michelob Ultra

She counts her calories and is the least fun person to take anywhere.

Oh, and a general bartender note: Don't ask me to make you something, then shoot down my first three suggestions. I don't go to the Waffle House or wherever you work and ask you to make me something good, but then reject it.

Finally, FINALLY: If you ask a girl what she wants and she says, "I don't care, let's just split a pitcher of whatever is cheap," you need to start planning exactly how you are going to propose.

Watch the video below to see what would happen if bartenders were actually honest with their patrons:


What The Kind Of Booze You Drink Can Predict About Your Love Life

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, I struck up a conversation with a bartender. After a few minutes, he revealed that after 16 years serving cocktails to women, he has a special, innate ability to determine a woman's personality simply by the drink they love to order.

Even if you aren't a drinker (or you don't agree with his assessment of your favorite drink) you'll at least get a laugh or two. Come on, you know you're curious. Here's what your drink says about you:

1. Malibu and Diet, Amaretto Sour

AKA any light alcohol drink (<20 percent alcohol). This girl wants to enjoy herself but wake up and know precisely where her panties are.

2. Rum and Coke

These are fun party girls. They usually like to dance and hug and laugh. They let loose way more than Malibu and Diet girls.

3. Vodka and. anything

These women like to get f*cked up. The women who order vodka water with a lemon or lime slice still like to get wasted but they're sensible about their caloric intake.

4. Whiskey/Scotch

Straight up. No mixer. Whiskey neat is different than vodka on the rocks. If a woman orders that, she wants to get straight wasted. However, if she orders a single malt scotch from the UK, she quite possibly knows more about alcohol than any guy she'll ever talk to. "Neat" is for those who want to savor the flavor. "On the rocks" is more "numb my tastebuds so I don't realize what I'm actually doing to my body."

5. Jack and Coke

This woman sounds nice and cute when asking for a "Jack and Coke, please!" But in her 50s, after all the whiskey and cigarettes get to her, she'll start to sound like a gravel-voiced trucker with strep: "JAAACK and COOOOKE, please." (You know the voice.)

6. Girly shots

(Think Slippery Nipple, Red-Headed Slut, etc.) Tease-alert! She likes to say dirty things, but she is ALL TALK.

7. Sex on the Beach, Alabama Slammer

Any popular-named drink means a woman wants to get buzzed but in a fun way. Most women will start the night out with one of these and then revert back to their normal drink of choice. Rarely do I make 6-8 of these for the same woman. (But if I do, she's definitely spending the night at Chateau Le Bartender.)

8. Long Island Iced Tea

Same as above but far more likely to end up at Chateau Le Bartender.

9. Absolut Mandarin with half-pineapple, half-orange juice, a splash of cranberry, a drop of grenadine with an orange, and cherry garnish

This is a real drink that a woman ordered. I got so sick of making it, I asked if any guy she had ever dated told her she was high-maintenance. Her friends all laughed their asses off as they rightly should have. If looks could kill, man. She never returned to my bar.

10. Grey Goose Cranberry

If you're a guy and order this, you're a pretentious douchebag. If you're a woman, you're a gold-digger. We're talking about VODKA, people it doesn't taste much different whether its $100 or $6 a bottle. Any subtle difference would only be noticeable in a dry martini or on the rocks and since you just completely obliterated your overpriced drink by having me pour sugary juice into it, you'll never know. (I once knew a chick that requested a Bloody Mary with Grey Goose. I mean for hell's sake.)

11. White Zinfandel

She doesn't really like beer, liquor, or wine but she wants to drink something inoffensive. (On the upside, almost every bar will have it.) Side note: Please do not stop into a bar in small-town Wisconsin and ask for a Burgundy or Chablis. Do not ask for a wine menu. We don't have one!

12. Pinot Noir

Oh, great, you saw the movie Sideways. Have a cookie.

13. Chardonnay

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Captain and coke girls.

14. Pinot Grigio

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Chardonnay girls.

She likes red wines with a little complexity. Nothing out of the ordinary.

16. Cabernet Sauvignon

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These girls either have well-developed taste apparatuses or really screwed up ones. I haven't figured it out yet.

A note on women who drink wine, in general: These women like to get buzzed but in a classy way. I rarely serve eight glasses of wine to the same woman — four is usually the max. But all that goes out the window if your girl regularly drinks boxed wine, because that is a woman who gets down. You may not want a ton of children with her, but for a good time, she's the one to call.

17. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light

These are cool chicks, guy's girls, women you can be friends with without too many awkward complications. Marry one if you can.

18. Guinness

Oh, you like spending $7 on a beer that tastes sh*tty? Although this girl seems cool at first glance, she's actually kind of pretentious. It physically pains me to say this, especially since I'm Irish, but Guinness sucks. It has great marketing! But it's not a flavor you want near your mouth when you're trying to have fun.

19. Spotted Cow (made in New Glarus, Wisconsin) and/or any local craft beer

Some girls from out of town may ask for “the one with the cow on it” and that means the woman is willing to try new things and is open to new experiences. All good in my book.

A seemingly great choice. However, after further inspection, this is not the lady you want to bring home to your mother. This "beer drinker" is really a whiskey or vodka drinker trying to pass off as a run-of-the-mill beer drinker. This girl likes to Tango de la Muerte, which I think means "Dance With The Dead." Either way, she likes to get messed up and quick.

21. Busch Light

This girl has a boyfriend who hunts.

22. Michelob Ultra

She counts her calories and is the least fun person to take anywhere.

Oh, and a general bartender note: Don't ask me to make you something, then shoot down my first three suggestions. I don't go to the Waffle House or wherever you work and ask you to make me something good, but then reject it.

Finally, FINALLY: If you ask a girl what she wants and she says, "I don't care, let's just split a pitcher of whatever is cheap," you need to start planning exactly how you are going to propose.

Watch the video below to see what would happen if bartenders were actually honest with their patrons:


What The Kind Of Booze You Drink Can Predict About Your Love Life

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, I struck up a conversation with a bartender. After a few minutes, he revealed that after 16 years serving cocktails to women, he has a special, innate ability to determine a woman's personality simply by the drink they love to order.

Even if you aren't a drinker (or you don't agree with his assessment of your favorite drink) you'll at least get a laugh or two. Come on, you know you're curious. Here's what your drink says about you:

1. Malibu and Diet, Amaretto Sour

AKA any light alcohol drink (<20 percent alcohol). This girl wants to enjoy herself but wake up and know precisely where her panties are.

2. Rum and Coke

These are fun party girls. They usually like to dance and hug and laugh. They let loose way more than Malibu and Diet girls.

3. Vodka and. anything

These women like to get f*cked up. The women who order vodka water with a lemon or lime slice still like to get wasted but they're sensible about their caloric intake.

4. Whiskey/Scotch

Straight up. No mixer. Whiskey neat is different than vodka on the rocks. If a woman orders that, she wants to get straight wasted. However, if she orders a single malt scotch from the UK, she quite possibly knows more about alcohol than any guy she'll ever talk to. "Neat" is for those who want to savor the flavor. "On the rocks" is more "numb my tastebuds so I don't realize what I'm actually doing to my body."

5. Jack and Coke

This woman sounds nice and cute when asking for a "Jack and Coke, please!" But in her 50s, after all the whiskey and cigarettes get to her, she'll start to sound like a gravel-voiced trucker with strep: "JAAACK and COOOOKE, please." (You know the voice.)

6. Girly shots

(Think Slippery Nipple, Red-Headed Slut, etc.) Tease-alert! She likes to say dirty things, but she is ALL TALK.

7. Sex on the Beach, Alabama Slammer

Any popular-named drink means a woman wants to get buzzed but in a fun way. Most women will start the night out with one of these and then revert back to their normal drink of choice. Rarely do I make 6-8 of these for the same woman. (But if I do, she's definitely spending the night at Chateau Le Bartender.)

8. Long Island Iced Tea

Same as above but far more likely to end up at Chateau Le Bartender.

9. Absolut Mandarin with half-pineapple, half-orange juice, a splash of cranberry, a drop of grenadine with an orange, and cherry garnish

This is a real drink that a woman ordered. I got so sick of making it, I asked if any guy she had ever dated told her she was high-maintenance. Her friends all laughed their asses off as they rightly should have. If looks could kill, man. She never returned to my bar.

10. Grey Goose Cranberry

If you're a guy and order this, you're a pretentious douchebag. If you're a woman, you're a gold-digger. We're talking about VODKA, people it doesn't taste much different whether its $100 or $6 a bottle. Any subtle difference would only be noticeable in a dry martini or on the rocks and since you just completely obliterated your overpriced drink by having me pour sugary juice into it, you'll never know. (I once knew a chick that requested a Bloody Mary with Grey Goose. I mean for hell's sake.)

11. White Zinfandel

She doesn't really like beer, liquor, or wine but she wants to drink something inoffensive. (On the upside, almost every bar will have it.) Side note: Please do not stop into a bar in small-town Wisconsin and ask for a Burgundy or Chablis. Do not ask for a wine menu. We don't have one!

12. Pinot Noir

Oh, great, you saw the movie Sideways. Have a cookie.

13. Chardonnay

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Captain and coke girls.

14. Pinot Grigio

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Chardonnay girls.

She likes red wines with a little complexity. Nothing out of the ordinary.

16. Cabernet Sauvignon

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These girls either have well-developed taste apparatuses or really screwed up ones. I haven't figured it out yet.

A note on women who drink wine, in general: These women like to get buzzed but in a classy way. I rarely serve eight glasses of wine to the same woman — four is usually the max. But all that goes out the window if your girl regularly drinks boxed wine, because that is a woman who gets down. You may not want a ton of children with her, but for a good time, she's the one to call.

17. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light

These are cool chicks, guy's girls, women you can be friends with without too many awkward complications. Marry one if you can.

18. Guinness

Oh, you like spending $7 on a beer that tastes sh*tty? Although this girl seems cool at first glance, she's actually kind of pretentious. It physically pains me to say this, especially since I'm Irish, but Guinness sucks. It has great marketing! But it's not a flavor you want near your mouth when you're trying to have fun.

19. Spotted Cow (made in New Glarus, Wisconsin) and/or any local craft beer

Some girls from out of town may ask for “the one with the cow on it” and that means the woman is willing to try new things and is open to new experiences. All good in my book.

A seemingly great choice. However, after further inspection, this is not the lady you want to bring home to your mother. This "beer drinker" is really a whiskey or vodka drinker trying to pass off as a run-of-the-mill beer drinker. This girl likes to Tango de la Muerte, which I think means "Dance With The Dead." Either way, she likes to get messed up and quick.

21. Busch Light

This girl has a boyfriend who hunts.

22. Michelob Ultra

She counts her calories and is the least fun person to take anywhere.

Oh, and a general bartender note: Don't ask me to make you something, then shoot down my first three suggestions. I don't go to the Waffle House or wherever you work and ask you to make me something good, but then reject it.

Finally, FINALLY: If you ask a girl what she wants and she says, "I don't care, let's just split a pitcher of whatever is cheap," you need to start planning exactly how you are going to propose.

Watch the video below to see what would happen if bartenders were actually honest with their patrons:


What The Kind Of Booze You Drink Can Predict About Your Love Life

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, I struck up a conversation with a bartender. After a few minutes, he revealed that after 16 years serving cocktails to women, he has a special, innate ability to determine a woman's personality simply by the drink they love to order.

Even if you aren't a drinker (or you don't agree with his assessment of your favorite drink) you'll at least get a laugh or two. Come on, you know you're curious. Here's what your drink says about you:

1. Malibu and Diet, Amaretto Sour

AKA any light alcohol drink (<20 percent alcohol). This girl wants to enjoy herself but wake up and know precisely where her panties are.

2. Rum and Coke

These are fun party girls. They usually like to dance and hug and laugh. They let loose way more than Malibu and Diet girls.

3. Vodka and. anything

These women like to get f*cked up. The women who order vodka water with a lemon or lime slice still like to get wasted but they're sensible about their caloric intake.

4. Whiskey/Scotch

Straight up. No mixer. Whiskey neat is different than vodka on the rocks. If a woman orders that, she wants to get straight wasted. However, if she orders a single malt scotch from the UK, she quite possibly knows more about alcohol than any guy she'll ever talk to. "Neat" is for those who want to savor the flavor. "On the rocks" is more "numb my tastebuds so I don't realize what I'm actually doing to my body."

5. Jack and Coke

This woman sounds nice and cute when asking for a "Jack and Coke, please!" But in her 50s, after all the whiskey and cigarettes get to her, she'll start to sound like a gravel-voiced trucker with strep: "JAAACK and COOOOKE, please." (You know the voice.)

6. Girly shots

(Think Slippery Nipple, Red-Headed Slut, etc.) Tease-alert! She likes to say dirty things, but she is ALL TALK.

7. Sex on the Beach, Alabama Slammer

Any popular-named drink means a woman wants to get buzzed but in a fun way. Most women will start the night out with one of these and then revert back to their normal drink of choice. Rarely do I make 6-8 of these for the same woman. (But if I do, she's definitely spending the night at Chateau Le Bartender.)

8. Long Island Iced Tea

Same as above but far more likely to end up at Chateau Le Bartender.

9. Absolut Mandarin with half-pineapple, half-orange juice, a splash of cranberry, a drop of grenadine with an orange, and cherry garnish

This is a real drink that a woman ordered. I got so sick of making it, I asked if any guy she had ever dated told her she was high-maintenance. Her friends all laughed their asses off as they rightly should have. If looks could kill, man. She never returned to my bar.

10. Grey Goose Cranberry

If you're a guy and order this, you're a pretentious douchebag. If you're a woman, you're a gold-digger. We're talking about VODKA, people it doesn't taste much different whether its $100 or $6 a bottle. Any subtle difference would only be noticeable in a dry martini or on the rocks and since you just completely obliterated your overpriced drink by having me pour sugary juice into it, you'll never know. (I once knew a chick that requested a Bloody Mary with Grey Goose. I mean for hell's sake.)

11. White Zinfandel

She doesn't really like beer, liquor, or wine but she wants to drink something inoffensive. (On the upside, almost every bar will have it.) Side note: Please do not stop into a bar in small-town Wisconsin and ask for a Burgundy or Chablis. Do not ask for a wine menu. We don't have one!

12. Pinot Noir

Oh, great, you saw the movie Sideways. Have a cookie.

13. Chardonnay

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Captain and coke girls.

14. Pinot Grigio

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Chardonnay girls.

She likes red wines with a little complexity. Nothing out of the ordinary.

16. Cabernet Sauvignon

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These girls either have well-developed taste apparatuses or really screwed up ones. I haven't figured it out yet.

A note on women who drink wine, in general: These women like to get buzzed but in a classy way. I rarely serve eight glasses of wine to the same woman — four is usually the max. But all that goes out the window if your girl regularly drinks boxed wine, because that is a woman who gets down. You may not want a ton of children with her, but for a good time, she's the one to call.

17. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light

These are cool chicks, guy's girls, women you can be friends with without too many awkward complications. Marry one if you can.

18. Guinness

Oh, you like spending $7 on a beer that tastes sh*tty? Although this girl seems cool at first glance, she's actually kind of pretentious. It physically pains me to say this, especially since I'm Irish, but Guinness sucks. It has great marketing! But it's not a flavor you want near your mouth when you're trying to have fun.

19. Spotted Cow (made in New Glarus, Wisconsin) and/or any local craft beer

Some girls from out of town may ask for “the one with the cow on it” and that means the woman is willing to try new things and is open to new experiences. All good in my book.

A seemingly great choice. However, after further inspection, this is not the lady you want to bring home to your mother. This "beer drinker" is really a whiskey or vodka drinker trying to pass off as a run-of-the-mill beer drinker. This girl likes to Tango de la Muerte, which I think means "Dance With The Dead." Either way, she likes to get messed up and quick.

21. Busch Light

This girl has a boyfriend who hunts.

22. Michelob Ultra

She counts her calories and is the least fun person to take anywhere.

Oh, and a general bartender note: Don't ask me to make you something, then shoot down my first three suggestions. I don't go to the Waffle House or wherever you work and ask you to make me something good, but then reject it.

Finally, FINALLY: If you ask a girl what she wants and she says, "I don't care, let's just split a pitcher of whatever is cheap," you need to start planning exactly how you are going to propose.

Watch the video below to see what would happen if bartenders were actually honest with their patrons:


What The Kind Of Booze You Drink Can Predict About Your Love Life

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, I struck up a conversation with a bartender. After a few minutes, he revealed that after 16 years serving cocktails to women, he has a special, innate ability to determine a woman's personality simply by the drink they love to order.

Even if you aren't a drinker (or you don't agree with his assessment of your favorite drink) you'll at least get a laugh or two. Come on, you know you're curious. Here's what your drink says about you:

1. Malibu and Diet, Amaretto Sour

AKA any light alcohol drink (<20 percent alcohol). This girl wants to enjoy herself but wake up and know precisely where her panties are.

2. Rum and Coke

These are fun party girls. They usually like to dance and hug and laugh. They let loose way more than Malibu and Diet girls.

3. Vodka and. anything

These women like to get f*cked up. The women who order vodka water with a lemon or lime slice still like to get wasted but they're sensible about their caloric intake.

4. Whiskey/Scotch

Straight up. No mixer. Whiskey neat is different than vodka on the rocks. If a woman orders that, she wants to get straight wasted. However, if she orders a single malt scotch from the UK, she quite possibly knows more about alcohol than any guy she'll ever talk to. "Neat" is for those who want to savor the flavor. "On the rocks" is more "numb my tastebuds so I don't realize what I'm actually doing to my body."

5. Jack and Coke

This woman sounds nice and cute when asking for a "Jack and Coke, please!" But in her 50s, after all the whiskey and cigarettes get to her, she'll start to sound like a gravel-voiced trucker with strep: "JAAACK and COOOOKE, please." (You know the voice.)

6. Girly shots

(Think Slippery Nipple, Red-Headed Slut, etc.) Tease-alert! She likes to say dirty things, but she is ALL TALK.

7. Sex on the Beach, Alabama Slammer

Any popular-named drink means a woman wants to get buzzed but in a fun way. Most women will start the night out with one of these and then revert back to their normal drink of choice. Rarely do I make 6-8 of these for the same woman. (But if I do, she's definitely spending the night at Chateau Le Bartender.)

8. Long Island Iced Tea

Same as above but far more likely to end up at Chateau Le Bartender.

9. Absolut Mandarin with half-pineapple, half-orange juice, a splash of cranberry, a drop of grenadine with an orange, and cherry garnish

This is a real drink that a woman ordered. I got so sick of making it, I asked if any guy she had ever dated told her she was high-maintenance. Her friends all laughed their asses off as they rightly should have. If looks could kill, man. She never returned to my bar.

10. Grey Goose Cranberry

If you're a guy and order this, you're a pretentious douchebag. If you're a woman, you're a gold-digger. We're talking about VODKA, people it doesn't taste much different whether its $100 or $6 a bottle. Any subtle difference would only be noticeable in a dry martini or on the rocks and since you just completely obliterated your overpriced drink by having me pour sugary juice into it, you'll never know. (I once knew a chick that requested a Bloody Mary with Grey Goose. I mean for hell's sake.)

11. White Zinfandel

She doesn't really like beer, liquor, or wine but she wants to drink something inoffensive. (On the upside, almost every bar will have it.) Side note: Please do not stop into a bar in small-town Wisconsin and ask for a Burgundy or Chablis. Do not ask for a wine menu. We don't have one!

12. Pinot Noir

Oh, great, you saw the movie Sideways. Have a cookie.

13. Chardonnay

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Captain and coke girls.

14. Pinot Grigio

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Chardonnay girls.

She likes red wines with a little complexity. Nothing out of the ordinary.

16. Cabernet Sauvignon

Subscribe to our newsletter.

These girls either have well-developed taste apparatuses or really screwed up ones. I haven't figured it out yet.

A note on women who drink wine, in general: These women like to get buzzed but in a classy way. I rarely serve eight glasses of wine to the same woman — four is usually the max. But all that goes out the window if your girl regularly drinks boxed wine, because that is a woman who gets down. You may not want a ton of children with her, but for a good time, she's the one to call.

17. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light

These are cool chicks, guy's girls, women you can be friends with without too many awkward complications. Marry one if you can.

18. Guinness

Oh, you like spending $7 on a beer that tastes sh*tty? Although this girl seems cool at first glance, she's actually kind of pretentious. It physically pains me to say this, especially since I'm Irish, but Guinness sucks. It has great marketing! But it's not a flavor you want near your mouth when you're trying to have fun.

19. Spotted Cow (made in New Glarus, Wisconsin) and/or any local craft beer

Some girls from out of town may ask for “the one with the cow on it” and that means the woman is willing to try new things and is open to new experiences. All good in my book.

A seemingly great choice. However, after further inspection, this is not the lady you want to bring home to your mother. This "beer drinker" is really a whiskey or vodka drinker trying to pass off as a run-of-the-mill beer drinker. This girl likes to Tango de la Muerte, which I think means "Dance With The Dead." Either way, she likes to get messed up and quick.

21. Busch Light

This girl has a boyfriend who hunts.

22. Michelob Ultra

She counts her calories and is the least fun person to take anywhere.

Oh, and a general bartender note: Don't ask me to make you something, then shoot down my first three suggestions. I don't go to the Waffle House or wherever you work and ask you to make me something good, but then reject it.

Finally, FINALLY: If you ask a girl what she wants and she says, "I don't care, let's just split a pitcher of whatever is cheap," you need to start planning exactly how you are going to propose.

Watch the video below to see what would happen if bartenders were actually honest with their patrons:


What The Kind Of Booze You Drink Can Predict About Your Love Life

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, I struck up a conversation with a bartender. After a few minutes, he revealed that after 16 years serving cocktails to women, he has a special, innate ability to determine a woman's personality simply by the drink they love to order.

Even if you aren't a drinker (or you don't agree with his assessment of your favorite drink) you'll at least get a laugh or two. Come on, you know you're curious. Here's what your drink says about you:

1. Malibu and Diet, Amaretto Sour

AKA any light alcohol drink (<20 percent alcohol). This girl wants to enjoy herself but wake up and know precisely where her panties are.

2. Rum and Coke

These are fun party girls. They usually like to dance and hug and laugh. They let loose way more than Malibu and Diet girls.

3. Vodka and. anything

These women like to get f*cked up. The women who order vodka water with a lemon or lime slice still like to get wasted but they're sensible about their caloric intake.

4. Whiskey/Scotch

Straight up. No mixer. Whiskey neat is different than vodka on the rocks. If a woman orders that, she wants to get straight wasted. However, if she orders a single malt scotch from the UK, she quite possibly knows more about alcohol than any guy she'll ever talk to. "Neat" is for those who want to savor the flavor. "On the rocks" is more "numb my tastebuds so I don't realize what I'm actually doing to my body."

5. Jack and Coke

This woman sounds nice and cute when asking for a "Jack and Coke, please!" But in her 50s, after all the whiskey and cigarettes get to her, she'll start to sound like a gravel-voiced trucker with strep: "JAAACK and COOOOKE, please." (You know the voice.)

6. Girly shots

(Think Slippery Nipple, Red-Headed Slut, etc.) Tease-alert! She likes to say dirty things, but she is ALL TALK.

7. Sex on the Beach, Alabama Slammer

Any popular-named drink means a woman wants to get buzzed but in a fun way. Most women will start the night out with one of these and then revert back to their normal drink of choice. Rarely do I make 6-8 of these for the same woman. (But if I do, she's definitely spending the night at Chateau Le Bartender.)

8. Long Island Iced Tea

Same as above but far more likely to end up at Chateau Le Bartender.

9. Absolut Mandarin with half-pineapple, half-orange juice, a splash of cranberry, a drop of grenadine with an orange, and cherry garnish

This is a real drink that a woman ordered. I got so sick of making it, I asked if any guy she had ever dated told her she was high-maintenance. Her friends all laughed their asses off as they rightly should have. If looks could kill, man. She never returned to my bar.

10. Grey Goose Cranberry

If you're a guy and order this, you're a pretentious douchebag. If you're a woman, you're a gold-digger. We're talking about VODKA, people it doesn't taste much different whether its $100 or $6 a bottle. Any subtle difference would only be noticeable in a dry martini or on the rocks and since you just completely obliterated your overpriced drink by having me pour sugary juice into it, you'll never know. (I once knew a chick that requested a Bloody Mary with Grey Goose. I mean for hell's sake.)

11. White Zinfandel

She doesn't really like beer, liquor, or wine but she wants to drink something inoffensive. (On the upside, almost every bar will have it.) Side note: Please do not stop into a bar in small-town Wisconsin and ask for a Burgundy or Chablis. Do not ask for a wine menu. We don't have one!

12. Pinot Noir

Oh, great, you saw the movie Sideways. Have a cookie.

13. Chardonnay

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Captain and coke girls.

14. Pinot Grigio

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Chardonnay girls.

She likes red wines with a little complexity. Nothing out of the ordinary.

16. Cabernet Sauvignon

Subscribe to our newsletter.

These girls either have well-developed taste apparatuses or really screwed up ones. I haven't figured it out yet.

A note on women who drink wine, in general: These women like to get buzzed but in a classy way. I rarely serve eight glasses of wine to the same woman — four is usually the max. But all that goes out the window if your girl regularly drinks boxed wine, because that is a woman who gets down. You may not want a ton of children with her, but for a good time, she's the one to call.

17. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light

These are cool chicks, guy's girls, women you can be friends with without too many awkward complications. Marry one if you can.

18. Guinness

Oh, you like spending $7 on a beer that tastes sh*tty? Although this girl seems cool at first glance, she's actually kind of pretentious. It physically pains me to say this, especially since I'm Irish, but Guinness sucks. It has great marketing! But it's not a flavor you want near your mouth when you're trying to have fun.

19. Spotted Cow (made in New Glarus, Wisconsin) and/or any local craft beer

Some girls from out of town may ask for “the one with the cow on it” and that means the woman is willing to try new things and is open to new experiences. All good in my book.

A seemingly great choice. However, after further inspection, this is not the lady you want to bring home to your mother. This "beer drinker" is really a whiskey or vodka drinker trying to pass off as a run-of-the-mill beer drinker. This girl likes to Tango de la Muerte, which I think means "Dance With The Dead." Either way, she likes to get messed up and quick.

21. Busch Light

This girl has a boyfriend who hunts.

22. Michelob Ultra

She counts her calories and is the least fun person to take anywhere.

Oh, and a general bartender note: Don't ask me to make you something, then shoot down my first three suggestions. I don't go to the Waffle House or wherever you work and ask you to make me something good, but then reject it.

Finally, FINALLY: If you ask a girl what she wants and she says, "I don't care, let's just split a pitcher of whatever is cheap," you need to start planning exactly how you are going to propose.

Watch the video below to see what would happen if bartenders were actually honest with their patrons:


What The Kind Of Booze You Drink Can Predict About Your Love Life

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, I struck up a conversation with a bartender. After a few minutes, he revealed that after 16 years serving cocktails to women, he has a special, innate ability to determine a woman's personality simply by the drink they love to order.

Even if you aren't a drinker (or you don't agree with his assessment of your favorite drink) you'll at least get a laugh or two. Come on, you know you're curious. Here's what your drink says about you:

1. Malibu and Diet, Amaretto Sour

AKA any light alcohol drink (<20 percent alcohol). This girl wants to enjoy herself but wake up and know precisely where her panties are.

2. Rum and Coke

These are fun party girls. They usually like to dance and hug and laugh. They let loose way more than Malibu and Diet girls.

3. Vodka and. anything

These women like to get f*cked up. The women who order vodka water with a lemon or lime slice still like to get wasted but they're sensible about their caloric intake.

4. Whiskey/Scotch

Straight up. No mixer. Whiskey neat is different than vodka on the rocks. If a woman orders that, she wants to get straight wasted. However, if she orders a single malt scotch from the UK, she quite possibly knows more about alcohol than any guy she'll ever talk to. "Neat" is for those who want to savor the flavor. "On the rocks" is more "numb my tastebuds so I don't realize what I'm actually doing to my body."

5. Jack and Coke

This woman sounds nice and cute when asking for a "Jack and Coke, please!" But in her 50s, after all the whiskey and cigarettes get to her, she'll start to sound like a gravel-voiced trucker with strep: "JAAACK and COOOOKE, please." (You know the voice.)

6. Girly shots

(Think Slippery Nipple, Red-Headed Slut, etc.) Tease-alert! She likes to say dirty things, but she is ALL TALK.

7. Sex on the Beach, Alabama Slammer

Any popular-named drink means a woman wants to get buzzed but in a fun way. Most women will start the night out with one of these and then revert back to their normal drink of choice. Rarely do I make 6-8 of these for the same woman. (But if I do, she's definitely spending the night at Chateau Le Bartender.)

8. Long Island Iced Tea

Same as above but far more likely to end up at Chateau Le Bartender.

9. Absolut Mandarin with half-pineapple, half-orange juice, a splash of cranberry, a drop of grenadine with an orange, and cherry garnish

This is a real drink that a woman ordered. I got so sick of making it, I asked if any guy she had ever dated told her she was high-maintenance. Her friends all laughed their asses off as they rightly should have. If looks could kill, man. She never returned to my bar.

10. Grey Goose Cranberry

If you're a guy and order this, you're a pretentious douchebag. If you're a woman, you're a gold-digger. We're talking about VODKA, people it doesn't taste much different whether its $100 or $6 a bottle. Any subtle difference would only be noticeable in a dry martini or on the rocks and since you just completely obliterated your overpriced drink by having me pour sugary juice into it, you'll never know. (I once knew a chick that requested a Bloody Mary with Grey Goose. I mean for hell's sake.)

11. White Zinfandel

She doesn't really like beer, liquor, or wine but she wants to drink something inoffensive. (On the upside, almost every bar will have it.) Side note: Please do not stop into a bar in small-town Wisconsin and ask for a Burgundy or Chablis. Do not ask for a wine menu. We don't have one!

12. Pinot Noir

Oh, great, you saw the movie Sideways. Have a cookie.

13. Chardonnay

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Captain and coke girls.

14. Pinot Grigio

She wants something sweet and tasty but wants to seem more dignified than the Chardonnay girls.

She likes red wines with a little complexity. Nothing out of the ordinary.

16. Cabernet Sauvignon

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These girls either have well-developed taste apparatuses or really screwed up ones. I haven't figured it out yet.

A note on women who drink wine, in general: These women like to get buzzed but in a classy way. I rarely serve eight glasses of wine to the same woman — four is usually the max. But all that goes out the window if your girl regularly drinks boxed wine, because that is a woman who gets down. You may not want a ton of children with her, but for a good time, she's the one to call.

17. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light

These are cool chicks, guy's girls, women you can be friends with without too many awkward complications. Marry one if you can.

18. Guinness

Oh, you like spending $7 on a beer that tastes sh*tty? Although this girl seems cool at first glance, she's actually kind of pretentious. It physically pains me to say this, especially since I'm Irish, but Guinness sucks. It has great marketing! But it's not a flavor you want near your mouth when you're trying to have fun.

19. Spotted Cow (made in New Glarus, Wisconsin) and/or any local craft beer

Some girls from out of town may ask for “the one with the cow on it” and that means the woman is willing to try new things and is open to new experiences. All good in my book.

A seemingly great choice. However, after further inspection, this is not the lady you want to bring home to your mother. This "beer drinker" is really a whiskey or vodka drinker trying to pass off as a run-of-the-mill beer drinker. This girl likes to Tango de la Muerte, which I think means "Dance With The Dead." Either way, she likes to get messed up and quick.

21. Busch Light

This girl has a boyfriend who hunts.

22. Michelob Ultra

She counts her calories and is the least fun person to take anywhere.

Oh, and a general bartender note: Don't ask me to make you something, then shoot down my first three suggestions. I don't go to the Waffle House or wherever you work and ask you to make me something good, but then reject it.

Finally, FINALLY: If you ask a girl what she wants and she says, "I don't care, let's just split a pitcher of whatever is cheap," you need to start planning exactly how you are going to propose.

Watch the video below to see what would happen if bartenders were actually honest with their patrons: