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Where to go when you’re suddenly solo
The Lodge at Sea Island Golf Club offers a variety of testosterone-fueled activities for lonely hearts.
If your significant other has recently told you to hit the road, The Daily Meal has some ideas for where to go.
See Heartbreak Holidays: 5 Places to Heal a Broken Heart Slideshow
These five heartbreak holidays feature activities to de-stress, get in shape, pamper yourself, and hopefully heal a broken heart. Even if you haven’t had a recent breakup, these action-packed holidays celebrate the single life.
Feeling blue because your summer fling is over and you’re suddenly single? You’re not alone. There were 102 million unmarried people in America ages 18 and older in 2011, according to the US Census.
From taking out aggression on a shooting range to sunset cruises and champagne concerts, these trips and their activities are likely to boost your spirits. Plus, the third week of September is Unmarried and Single Americans Week, making September an ideal time for a solo sojourn. Who knows? You might even meet someone along the way.
Lauren Mack is the Travel Editor at The Daily Meal. Follow her on Twitter @lmack.
When your heart is broken it is the saddest thing in the world. All your energy leaves you and everything in your life seems to lose all meaning. You gave your heart and soul to this love, and now it is no more. How can your heart ever be whole again? There is a very deep thought attributed the Mystical Rabbi of Kotzk, "there is nothing as whole as a broken heart". Although a broken heart is painful, it brings a person to turn to God. He realizes that he is ultimately alone in the world except for God who is always there to comfort him.
Devastating Poems about Heartbreak
I lie awake tonight,
Wishing of things I can change.
I try to convince myself,
But it's all so strange.
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That has so much truth: I think we all do that at times and our companions get used to it. But sometimes we push too hard and push them away. But with true love comes an unbelievable force.
He wrote her a song, but it never got finished
They both fell in love, but it was soon diminished
She sits on his bed and cries in his lap
He cries back at her, knowing they can't go back.
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This is absolutely unique and astonishing. I've never had a boyfriend myself, but there was someone who came very close. We were best friends, doing everything together and having the time of.
Do You Know
Do you know a life of loneliness and one filled with pain,
living a life with nothing to gain,
Surrounded by darkness, overwhelmed with shame.
A life without peace with no one to blame.
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Well, same stuff, but I know I need to be strong for my kids! The thing that crushes me is my 6-year-old hears his dad call me a whore or say, “Mommy's just crazy, Roman." My son, now after 2.
Ode To You
Every morning I see your face,
And for that fleeting second I'm in a different place,
A place where we smiled, laughed, and talked,
A place where we could hold hands wherever we walked,
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There was a boy. We were on our way to 5 months and then all of a sudden, he liked another girl. It turned out she liked him too. I wanted to be supportive. I stepped down and let them be.
He'll Never Know
I want to run, I want to hide
From all the pain he caused inside.
I want to scream, I want to cry.
Why can't I tell him goodbye?
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Hey Hannah. I have felt like you before. You can fall for someone so completely and they could never feel the same. Just focus on what makes you feel happy. One day you will see he won't even.
A Broken Heart
How do I mend a broken heart?
My entire world has fallen apart.
How do I find hope in a brand new day,
when the one I love has gone away?
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I am feeling this poem deep in my heart. My husband of 10 years has found someone else to love. He asked me to move out, and I have. I feel so disconnected from my life, the life I knew. I.
I Tried So Hard
Analysis of Form and Technique
I tried so hard.
I tried my best.
I gave you my all,
And now there's nothing left.
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He was my first love We started dating while I was in high school. He was at university. We were so much in love, promising each other that we would be together forever. He taught me how to.
The Weeping Willow
Last night I woke up and you weren't there.
I told myself that I shouldn't care.
I wrapped my arms around a pillow,
Staring out the window at the weeping willow.
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It's such a beautiful poem talking of the fears, the anxieties, the pain and suffering of a lost love. The nature becomes a reflection of your own heart. When you are happy, the nature sings.
And The World Carries On
The plates will still shift
and the clouds will still spew.
The sun will slowly rise
and the moon will follow too.
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This poem is really so good. I feel this poem it's just amazing.
Do you feel them?
She was numb and frozen,
Yet it dimly sparkled like a dying gem.
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When you feel empty and hollow, I feel like it's easy to feel alone. This poem helped me realize that I am not alone and that there are other people out there who struggle to feel again, who.
I’ve included 30 verses here that can be written in cards, text messages etc. I have a few verses specifically about Jesus loving children.
When I was young, I had a Bible with a picture of Jesus surrounded by children on the cover. During the dark days of grief following my daughter’s death, the memory of that cover came to mind. Knowing that Jesus loves her even more than I do brings me comfort.
Before going to the verses, let’s briefly talk about what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. It is so hard to know.
What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost a Loved One
I was always that person who wanted so badly to reach out to someone who had lost a loved one, but I never knew what to say. Everything sounds empty when the hurt is that intense.
When we lost our beautiful eight year old Rebekah in an accident we heard everything from “sorry for your loss” to thoughtless and awkward comments.
I have to tell you that actions speak louder than words. I remember one lady whose daughter was on Rebekah’s soccer team wrote a lovely card. In the card she told me to call her if I needed anything and she left not one, but three different ways for me to contact her. I felt as if she truly meant what she said.
Looking back, it is the people who brought meal after meal, the ones who cleaned my house and did my laundry. It was the long hugs as if they were trying to love the hurt away that meant more than any sentiment could. The text messages and prayers…
If you are looking for something to say, I found one of the most comforting expressions was “I’m here for you” and then make yourself available.
No, you can’t take the hurt away, but you can walk the path beside them so they are not alone.
Comforting Bible Verses
Thank God He has given us endless comforting Bible verses throughout the entire Bible. He is constantly reminding us that He is here with us and that He loves us.
While this post is written in tears as I am brought back to the most painful time of my life, I continue to find these verses to be comforting and am so thankful that God impressed on my heart to compile a list of verses for the loss of a loved one. I needed this too.
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you I have called you by your name You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. (Isaiah 43:1-2)
Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands Your walls are continually before Me. (Isaiah 49:15-16)
The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying:
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you (Jeremiah 31:3)
I called on Your name, O Lord,
From the lowest pit.
56 You have heard my voice:
“Do not hide Your ear
From my sighing, from my cry for help.”
57 You drew near on the day I called on You,
And said, “Do not fear!” (Lamentations 3:55-57)
Blessed are you who weep now,
For you shall laugh. (Luke 6:21)
The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)
Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes, we are healed. (Isaiah 53:4-5)
I have seen his ways, and will heal him I will also lead him, And restore comforts to him And to his mourners.
“I create the fruit of the lips: Peace, peace to him who is far off and to him who is near,” Says the Lord, “And I will heal him.” (Jeremiah 57:18-19)
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. (John 14:27)
Learning that grief is a season and a natural one can give hope during dark days. We are not meant to stay in this season, but to allow God to bring us into the next one. It doesn’t mean that we stop missing our loved one, it just means that we need to continue to grow and accept the new seasons as they come. Women Ministering has an excellent post about this in which she draws from her own loss and what she has learned.
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted A time to kill,
And a time to heal
A time to break down,
And a time to build up
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance (Ecclesiastes 3:1-4)
Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)
Psalms for Comfort and Strength
David was a man of great emotion and I am thankful that his words are available for us to read. They are written in pain and rejoicing, sorrow and faith and are perfect for verses for the loss of a loved one.
You are my hiding place and my shield
I hope in Your word. (Psalm 119:114)
He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Fear not, for I am with you Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their cry. (Psalm 34:15)
Truly my soul silently waits for God From Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation He is my defense I shall not be greatly moved. (Psalm 62:1-2)
God really did provide these Psalms for comfort and strength, didn’t He?
You number my wanderings
Put my tears into Your bottle
Are they not in Your book? (Psalm 56:8)
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices My flesh also will rest in hope. For You will not leave my soul in Sheol, Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption. You will show me the path of life In Your presence is fullness of joy At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:9-11)
Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him I will be with him in trouble I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation. (Psalm 91:14-16)
The 23rd Psalm is sometimes so common that I nearly overlooked it when compiling this list of verses for the loss of a loved one. I remember reading verse four “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…” on a particularly low day on my grief journey and I understood for the first time that this valley is not just a physical place, but an emotional one also.
The Lord is my shepherd
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil
For You are with me
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies
You anoint my head with oil
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever. (Psalm 23)
Verses for Loss of a Child
“Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so, Little ones to him belong They are weak but he is strong.”
You are weary and angry and enduring the worst pain imaginable. Not only are you grieving your child, but also their future. A future snuffed out. This wasn’t supposed to happen. The dreams you had for your child have now died. A part of you has died too.
Your family is no longer complete. You will spend the rest of your life wondering how your child would look and act. Their friends will grow up, graduate, and marry, and you are left with a hole in your heart.
But I want you to know something. Your little one is safe in the arms of Jesus. They feel no pain, no hurt, no fear. They are loved.
I know your heart is broken and you long to hold your child one last time, but rest assured, their hearts are full of peace and they are in a place that is more beautiful than you can imagine.
They have simply run ahead and are patiently waiting for you to join them.
Then they brought little children to Him, that He might touch them but the disciples rebuked those who brought them. 14 But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them for of such is the kingdom of God. 15 Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” 16 And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them. (Mark 10:13-16)
Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven. (Matthew 18:10)
Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, 3 and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. (Matthew 18:2-5)
I would love to share more about my Rebekah with you. She was a beautiful girl, full of sunshine and joy. Her smile could light up a room! You can read more about her in “Rebekah’s Heart” .
Bible Verses about Heaven after Death
It brings me great comfort to think of Rebekah in heaven, surrounded by God’s love and peace. Verses for loss of a loved one should always bring us back to heaven. Last summer I researched Heaven and was surprised at the number of verses I found. You can read the whole post at She Still Lives: Bible Verses about Heaven after Death . Here are a few of my favorite verses about heaven after death.
Let not your heart be troubled you believe in God, believe also in Me. 2 In My Father’s house are many mansions if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself that where I am, there you may be also. (John 14:1-3)
Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”
And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. 7 He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. (Revelation 21:5-7)
And he showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God and of the Lamb. 2 In the middle of its street, and on either side of the river, was the tree of life, which bore twelve fruits, each tree yielding its fruit every month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. 3 And there shall be no more curse, but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His servants shall serve Him. 4 They shall see His face, and His name shall be on their foreheads. 5 There shall be no night there: They need no lamp nor light of the sun, for the Lord God gives them light. And they shall reign forever and ever. (Revelation 22:1-5)
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. (Revelation 21:4)
But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God ordained before the ages for our glory, 8 which none of the rulers of this age knew for had they known, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.
But as it is written: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” (1 Corinthians 2:7-9)
Okay to be honest I was surprised that Bali made the list, but upon thinking about it and recalling my time in Bali, I totally understood why. It’s huge, it’s a great place to join a retreat and have a spiritual travel experience, and it’s beautiful.
While the last thing you want to see is lovey-dovey couples hanging out at the beach bars (and well, there will be a lot of them. It’s Bali after all!), there are tons of places in Bali that are perfect for solitude and peace of mind.
You can join yoga retreats in Ubud, surf or take or cooking classes, many of which are conducted by locals. You can see the beautiful local temples, watch the locals’ morning prayer rituals, or even lock yourself up in a gorgeous villa and read all day. The Nusa islands off of Bali are fantastic as well for swimming with Manta rays, finding cliffs with temples hidden in them, and getting beaches all to yourself.
Whoever said Bali’s for couples only has never been to Bali solo. I’d say it’s a lovely place to heal a broken heart.
7 ways to heal a broken heart
Broken Heart Syndrome is a real thing. Scientists found that a bad break-up can stun the heart and cause the left ventricle to change shape. They call it Takotsubo syndrome, Takotsubo being Japanese for 'Octopus Pot', which refers to the form that the damaged heart has now taken. They advise it should be treated with the same drug that's used for heart attack patients.
Everyone who's had a broken heart knows the pain. Every moment of every day tinged grey. The gut ache of loss, the waves of disbelief. Mercilessly buffeted with endless unanswerable questions, with nothing to anchor your self worth. Sadness pervades your being, its tentacles reaching out like ink in water.
I set about approaching healing my broken heart the way I do any problem &ndash read up on it ask friends, contacts and Google. All of the above work brilliantly under normal circumstances, but you cannot approach heartbreak with the same rational mind as, say, choosing a new shower head.
So where do you even begin to fix a broken heart? Here are just a few things that have helped me.
Stop hunting for the answer
Guy Winch, a US psychologist whose TED talk on heartbreak has over 7m views, says that as well as temporarily lowering IQ, heartbreak stops us thinking straight. He says, "Brain studies have shown the loss of romantic love activates the same mechanisms in our brain that get activated when addicts are withdrawing from substances like cocaine or opioids."
So he theorises that when you obsess over the whys of a break-up and dream up myriad answers, you are getting a fix. This hunt for 'the answer', he says, impedes our recovery. Instead, "accept the reason you are given and stick to it".
Stock up on break-up books
Oh, how I ploughed through them. The Unexpected Joy Of Being Single by Catherine Gray (mine: no yellowing sheets on one side of the bed, unbroken sleep, watching films with no fighting). How To Fail by Elizabeth Day (candid and reassuring), It's Called A Break-Up Because It's Broken by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (very funny and direct in a way friends might not dare to be).
Visit a break-up retreat
The women-only Tarant retreat in Puglia promises to help you find 'renewed inner happiness'. It features nightly hair-brushing, dancing to tambourines, healthy vegetable-based food and an embarrassment of spa treatments. (They had me at hair brushing).
You stay at a deluxe villa and are cosseted by a girl gang of therapists, yoga teachers, chefs and, of course, Maria, the housekeeper-cum-hair-brusher. It's like you've gone to stay with your best mates who are intent on making you feel great. Except, instead of kipping in the spare room, you get a luxurious five-star suite. It's expensive, but here's the free takeaway: girlfriends are everything.
Book the four-night Borgo Egnazia retreat through Abercrombie & Kent.
Find a financial superhero
I am a capable woman with a maths GCSE and the proud owner of some Natwest Pigs, but for some reason I have taken an eyes-shut approach to my finances since my split. Maybe it was because the pooling of money was the ultimate symbol that we were a team. Now the shadow of money has grown to monstrous proportions.
So, through a friend, I've found a superhero in a shift dress, Lisa Conway-Hughes, a no-BS blonde with 15 years' experience as a financial advisor and a book called Money Lessons. She tells me, "Often, the first time someone decides to take a look at their finances is when they divorce or separate. Perhaps this was always the partner's responsibility, or perhaps life was ticking along and financial planning was always at the bottom of the to-do list. Either way, dipping your toe in is essential. Taking control on your terms will be empowering."
Meet with the divorce coach
Sara Davison is a master neuro-linguistic programming practitioner and chose whose stock in trade is heartbroken souls. Having been through her own painful split, she was inspired to help others. She offers one-on-one counselling sessions, weekend divorce retreats and has a book, The Split, which I found very useful.
Accept it takes time
If there were a service that would speed up the healing process I'd sell my incisors. But apparently you have to process it so it doesn't bite you on the arse in five years' time. Research in The Journal Of Positive Psychology says it takes 11 weeks to feel better after a relationship ends. Other theories speak about it taking a month for every year you've been with someone.
And there's always hope
I can feel hope resurfacing now and even a sliver of excitement for the future. I have learned to stop worrying so much about the future. I've rediscovered more of the person I was. The person who had automatically climbed into the passenger seat. Now I am back in the driving seat. Literally and metaphorically. And who knows where the road is taking me?
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It can feel therapeutic to use your best friends as a sounding board for your emotions, but it isn’t productive. Focus on sharing things you love. Talk about the things in your life that are working well, your dreams and desires. You never know what will happen in the future, so it’s always better to sow seeds of kindness.
It might be wise to just remove your ex from your social media feed. Facebook’s “take a break” feature lets you avoid seeing their pictures, etc., without unfriending them.
Especially if you’re still confused about the breakup or pining for your lost love, social media stalking is the worst thing you can do. It just breeds speculation and suspicion and keeps you stuck in the past.
Broken Heart Syndrome: When Grief Affects Your Mind and Body
Y our heart is racing, palms are sweaty and your cheeks are flushed bright red. It’s not a virus you’re coming down with — you’re falling in love. But what physically happens to your heart when you find yourself falling head over heels for your new flame?
According to medical experts, your brain sends a signal that releases hormones such as adrenaline, dopamine and oxytocin, which are responsible for the fast heartbeat and feelings of euphoria and excitement. The response occurs just by being in the presence of the object of your affection.
“There aren’t many physical risks to the heart from falling in love,” says Dr. Pamela Marcovitz, medical director of the Ministrelli Women’s Heart Center at Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak. “But the same isn’t always true for the opposite. The general hypothesis is when a person is experiencing loss of a loved one, or extreme grief, the release of stress hormones can trigger cardiac abnormalities that adversely affect the heart muscle and shouldn’t be taken lightly.”
Courtesy Dr. Pam Marcovitz
Dr. Pam Marcovitz, Ministrelli Women’s Heart Center director at Beaumont, talks with a patient.
This grief response is known as “broken heart syndrome” and was first noted in Japan in 1990. Physicians discovered certain people had symptoms of a heart attack, such as chest pain, shortness of breath and an abnormal electrocardiogram and echocardiogram at their initial testing, but follow-up cardiac angiograms that look for the signature blood clots, or blockages of a heart attack, turned up clean — ruling that diagnosis out.
“It became clear something else was going on, and today because we are mindful of broken heart syndrome, every cardiologist diagnoses multiple cases of it every year,” Marcovitz says. “I saw my first case in the ER in the late ’90s from a mother who had just found out her son was killed in Iraq.”
Broken heart syndrome is also referred to as takotsubo cardiomyopathy — when the left ventricle of the heart temporarily balloons or enlarges, masquerading as a typical heart attack. If undiagnosed and left untreated, the American Heart Association reports it can lead to heart disease and heart failure, including sudden death from cardiac arrest.
“The condition can occur when going through any severe trauma or loss such as a divorce, grieving for a departed loved one, sudden illness, a serious car accident, natural disaster or financial loss,” says Dr. Ilana Kutinsky, cardiac electrophysiologist at Beaumont Hospital. “Whether we know it or not, most of us are familiar with the syndrome because we’ve seen a spouse that dies within a short time of losing their partner — a common presentation of takotsubo cardiomyopathy.”
Even the loss of a family pet has been documented to bring about the syndrome. Barbara Ross, 69, of Bloomfield Hills was feeling fatigue and chest pain when she went in for her annual physical with Dr. Henry Green, a cardiologist at Ascension Providence Hospital-Southfield.
“I mentioned to Dr. Green that my dog — who was like a member of my family — just passed away that week, and I hadn’t been sleeping or eating well since. Abnormalities showed up on my electrocardiogram in his office, and I was shocked when he sent me immediately to the hospital for further tests,” Ross says. “I was in a panic because I could sense my situation looked serious.”
The tests confirmed that while Ross had other symptoms of a heart attack, Green says, she had no blockages in her coronary arteries. “I then started to suspect takotsubo, or broken heart syndrome, because sufferers are more than 90 percent women ages 58 to 75, having experienced a life situation that brings on strong emotions and stress — like Barbara losing her pet. The result is a physical response like the one she had,” Green says, adding that individuals should seek medical attention immediately for any marked chest pains, as the situation may be life-threatening.
How to Heal a Broken Heart
Treatment after diagnosis is similar to that for a bona fide heart attack. “As clinicians, we typically recommend standard heart failure medications such as ACE inhibitors, beta blockers and diuretics for hypertension, controlling heart rhythm and treating angina (chest pain),” Kutinsky says.
“The difference is that while they may be very ill at the onset, patients with broken heart syndrome have completely clean coronaries and can usually resolve in anywhere from just eight hours to two months.”
Teri Racey, physician assistant and owner of Illumined Heart mind-body healing practice in Huntington Woods, explains the synergy between the mental and physical aspects of our health: “We have to remember there is a very significant brain-heart connection, and we are neurobiologically wired for love. It is a primal survival need. When love is lost through separation or death, this primal need is endangered, and our mind/body attempts to neutralize this threat, resulting in the extreme stress that affects the heart.”
The good news, Racey says, is you can release emotional pain through activities like meditation, Reiki therapy, yoga or regular workouts, and your physical heart will start to heal. “You’ll also need to take time to process the grief, and practice self-care with anti-stress remedies,” she adds. “Find a guided meditation like the CD ‘New Mind, New Body’ that allows you to relax, release stress and cultivate a healthier partnership between your mind, body and spirit.”
If anything, broken heart syndrome reveals that the link between our heart and mind is more literal, and influential, than we may ever have imagined.
Join our online divorce and breakup support group to meet weekly with an expert breakup recovery coach and people who know exactly how it feels. You can talk about what you're going through, get insight, support, and recommendations from a breakup recovery coach and a support group. Together, you'll heal and grow.
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Marcus Aurelius for Healing a Broken Heart.
I stumble and trip at first. Then I almost face plant into the baby cactus sitting beside the path because, woah, my shoes feel kinda different.
After a couple close calls, I get into a rhythm. Look at me go. I gauge the length of my shoelaces. I’m walking almost normally despite the obvious restriction. There’s sweat on my back. A couple hikers glance over with timid, confused smiles, wondering why I’m hiking with tied shoelaces. Then I get brave and look out to the horizon while strutting, maybe I even smile, and then boom. I fall again. Face in the mud.
Climbing the “moving on” mountain is walking around town, seeing where we spent time, and feeling the discomfort. It is not being able to sit on the porch without thinking about the conversations we had there. It is sitting on the damn porch anyways, or maybe not. It’s wanting to see your face but also never wanting to see it again. It’s wanting to know you’re okay and that I’m sorry.
It’s sitting in the office, laughing at a joke, and wanting to share it with you. It’s seeing the tree we sat under and remembering that summer day. It’s pizza and sitting on the couch watching sh*tty TV with my roommate. It’s trying to remember why we weren’t a good match. It’s failing to remember why. Then it is remembering again. It is lying on the floor sobbing. It’s day after day feeling a little better, a little less weighted. It’s finding space in my thoughts again.
Loss has been a common theme throughout this year—lives, friends, jobs, loss of “normal.” Sometimes I joke that I also lost my sanity (shrugging emoji). After loss comes figuring out what to do with the empty spaces that used to be occupied by people or places or jobs. We are left alone, grieving what is no longer there. Fully experiencing the impact of what we lost through its absence. Maybe we fumble at first, unsure what used to go in the emptiness before this person or place or thing occupied it.
Cue the “moving on” mountain. Moving on during COVID-19 is a different kind of animal, like a naked mole rat—naked, a little ugly, and burrowed away without anywhere else to go. The people or gatherings I would normally turn to aren’t there or accessible in the same capacity. One person who I did have access to was Marcus Aurelius, a dead Roman emperor.
Yeah, not literally. We didn’t talk in person, but I had him in the form of his book, Meditations. At first, I didn’t think I would have much in common with the dead Roman emperor. I mean, he’s a Roman emperor and spoiler alert: I’m sensitive. But as I moved through the book, I found the red armor skirted Roman held me in his rigid arms and rocked me to sleep.
Here are 15 meditations by Marcus Aurelius to help us move on when the thought of moving on feels impossible:
1. You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
2. Remember, nothing belongs to you but your flesh and blood—and nothing else is under your control.
3. Yes, keep on degrading yourself, soul. But soon your chance at dignity will be gone. Everyone gets one life. Yours is almost used up, and instead of treating yourself with respect, you have entrusted your own happiness to the souls of others.
4. Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people—unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful. You’ll be too preoccupied with what so-and-so is doing, and why, and what they’re saying, and what they’re thinking, and what they’re up to, and all the other things that throw you off and keep you from focusing on your own mind.
5. That sort of person is bound to do that. You might as well resent a fig tree for secreting juice. (Anyway, before very long you’ll both be dead—dead and soon forgotten.)
6. To feel affection for people even when they make mistakes is uniquely human. You can do it, if you simply recognize: that they’re human too, that they act out of ignorance, against their will, and that you’ll both be dead before long. And, above all, that they haven’t really hurt you. They haven’t diminished your ability to choose.
7. Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.
8. It was for the best. So nature had no choice but to do it.
9. Beautiful things of any kind are beautiful in themselves and sufficient to themselves. Praise is extraneous. The object of praise remains what it was—no better and no worse.
10. Someone has done wrong…to himself. Something happens to you. Good. It was meant for you by nature, woven into the pattern from the beginning. Life is short. That’s all there is to say. Get what you can from the present—thoughtfully, justly.
11. Constant awareness that everything is born from change.
12. Nothing that goes on in anyone else’s mind can harm you. Nor can the shifts and changes in the world around you.—Then where is harm to be found? In your capacity to see it.
Matter. How tiny your share of it.
Time. How brief and fleeting your allotment of it.
Fate. How small a role you play in it.
14. When jarred, unavoidably, by circumstance, revert at once to yourself, and don’t lose the rhythm more than you can help.
15. Don’t be ashamed to need help. Like a soldier storming a wall, you have a mission to accomplish. And if you’ve been wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up? So what?
Moving on isn’t easy. Allow yourself to stumble, fall, get up, and when you finally look down and see that your shoelaces are tied together, be brave enough to laugh, untie them, and keep on going.
How To Improve Listening Skills For Effective Workplace Communication
Peak-Performance Leadership Consultant Read full profile
We have two ears and one mouth for a reason&mdasheffective communication is dependent on using them in proportion, and this involves having good listening skills.
The workplace of the 21st century may not look the same as it did before COVID-19 spread throughout the world like wildfire, but that doesn&rsquot mean you can relax your standards at work. If anything, Zoom meetings, conference calls, and the continuous time spent behind a screen have created a higher level of expectations for meeting etiquette and communication. And this goes further than simply muting your microphone during a meeting.
Effective workplace communication has been a topic of discussion for decades, yet, it is rarely addressed or implemented due to a lack of awareness and personal ownership by all parties.
Effective communication isn&rsquot just about speaking clearly or finding the appropriate choice of words. It starts with intentional listening and being present. Here&rsquos how to improve your listening skills for effective workplace communication.
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How the A-list handle heartbreak
We've all been there. The sobbing into a tub of ice cream, the endless deleting (re-uploading and then deleting, again) of numbers from your phone. Break-ups are bad news for everyone, even celebrities and Emma Watson is no different.
Talking about how the British actress dealt with her latest break-up she revealed that she checked into a silent retreat to find solace before she split with rugby player Matthew Janney last year, taking a week-long vow of silence to help deal with her anxiety.
'I felt really uncomfortable. Even before my relationship ended, I went on a silent retreat, because I really wanted to figure out how to be at home with myself,' she said.
Watson isn't the first to deal with heartbreak, and it's safe to say we don't think will she be the last to experience a painful split, either.
In 2011 an American study found what we've known for some time, love really does hurt. Experiments on 40 men and women in New York found that being dumped activates brain association with processing physical pain, such as the searing sensation of being burnt.
Not only that but a new study from Binghamton University says that women experience more emotional pain following a breakup, but they also more fully recover than men.
So there you have it, love hurts, but we'll get over it. Words from the wise.